Chinese Conversation

Chinese speaking to a Chinese operator, no comments read for your self
Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan
Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent
Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone!
But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother,Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital.
Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital from the accident that isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

HOW TO IMPRESS

A WOMAN.

* Wine her,* Dine her,* Call her,* Hug her,* Support her,
* Hold her,* Surprise her,* Compliment her,* Smile at her,
* Listen to her,* Laugh with her,* Cry with her,* Romance her,
* Encourage her,* Believe in her,* Pray with her,* Pray for her,
* Cuddle with her,* Shop with her, Give her jewelry,* Buy her flowers,
* Hold her hand,* Write love letters to her,
* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.

A MAN
* Show up naked ... * Bring food ... * Don't block the TV

Homsi .... lol

A Homsi, a Russian, and an Italian
go to a machine that beeps every time you tell a lie.

First out isthe Russian:
-"I think I'm beautiful!"
BEEP!

Then goes the Italian:
-"I think I'm smart!"
BEEP!

Finally it's time for the Homsi:
-"I think..."
BEEP!

Teacher Without a brain

SOMEBODY'S RAISING THEIR CHILD RIGHT!
One day, a six-year-old girl was sitting in a classroom.
The teacher was explaining evolution to the children.
The teacher asked a little boy:
TEACHER:
Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY:
Yes
TEACHER:
Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY:
Yes,
TEACHER:
Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOMMY:
Okay.
(He returned a few minutes later)
Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACHER:
Did you see GOD?
TOMMY:
No.
TEACHER:
That's my point.
We can't see GOD because HE isn't there.
HE just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up wanting to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed.
LITTLE GIRL:
Tommy, do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY:
Yes,
LITTLE GIRL:
Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOMMY:
Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL:
Did you see the sky?
TOMMY:
Yessssss!
LITTLE GIRL:
Tommy, do you see the Teacher?
TOMMY: Yes
LITTLE GIRL:
Do you see her brain?
TOMMY:
No.
LITTLE GIRL:
Then according to what we were taught today,
She doesn't have one.

What your Birth month means ?

*JANUARY*
* Ambitious and serious * Loves to teach and be taught * Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses * Likes to criticize * Hardworking and productive * Smart, neat and organized * Sensitive and has deep thoughts * Knows how to make others happy * Quiet unless excited or tensed * Rather reserved * Highly attentive * Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds * Romantic but has difficulties expressing love * Loves children * Homely person * Loyal * Needs to improve social abilities * Easily jealous

*FEBRUARY*
* Abstract thoughts * Loves reality and abstract * Intelligent and clever * Changing personality * Temperamental * Quiet, shy and humble * Low self esteem * Honest and loyal * Determined to reach goals * Loves freedom * Rebellious when restricted * Loves aggressiveness * Too sensitive and easily hurt * Showing anger easily * Dislike unnecessary things * Loves making friends but rarely shows it * Daring and stubborn * Ambitious * Realizing dreams and hopes * Sharp * Loves entertainment and leisure * Romantic on the inside not outside * Superstitious and ludicrous * Spendthrift * Learns to show emotions

* MARCH*
* Attractive personality * Affectionate * Shy and reserved * Secretive * Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic * Loves peace and serenity * Sensitive to others * Loves to serve others * Not easily angered * Trustworthy * Appreciative and returns kindness * Observant and assess others * Revengeful * Loves to dream and fantasize * Loves traveling * Loves attention * Loves home decors * Musically talented * Loves special things * Moody

*APRIL*
* Active and dynamic * Decisive and hateful but tends to regret * Attractive and affectionate to oneself * Strong mentality * Loves attention * Diplomatic * Consoling * Friendly and solves people's problems * Brave and fearless * Adventurous * Loving and caring * Suave and generous * Emotional * Revengeful * Aggressive * Hasty * Good memory * Moving * Motivate oneself and the others * Sickness usually of the head and chest * Easily get too jealous

*MAY*
* Stubborn and hard-hearted * Strong-willed and highly motivated * Sharp thoughts * Easily angered * Attracts others and loves attention * Deep feelings * Beautiful physically and mentally * Firm standpoint * Easily influenced * Needs no motivation * Easily consoled * Systematic (left brain) * Loves to dream * Strong clairvoyance * Understanding * Sickness usually in the ear and neck * Good imagination * Good debating skills * Good physical * Weak breathing * Loves literature and the arts * ! Loves traveling * Dislike being at home * Restless * Hardworking * High spirited * Spendthrift

*JUNE*
* Thinks far with vision * Easily influenced by kindness * Polite and soft-spoken * Having lots of ideas * Sensitive * Active mind * Hesitating * Tends to delay * Choosy and always wants the best * Temperamental * Funny and humorous * Loves to joke * Good debating skills * Talkative * Daydreamer * Friendly * Knows how to make friends * Abiding * Able to show character * Easily hurt * Prone to getting colds * Loves to dress up * Easily bored * Fussy * Seldom show emotions * Takes time to recover when hurt * Brand conscious * Executive * Stubborn * Those who loves me are enemies * Those who hates me are friends

JULY
* Fun to be with * Secretive * Difficult to fathom and to be understood * Quiet unless excited or tensed * Takes pride in oneself * Has reputation * Easily consoled * Honest * Concern about people's feelings * Tactful * Friendly * Approachable * Very emotional * Temperamental and unpredictable * Moody and easily hurt * Witty and sarky * Sentimental * Not revengeful * Forgiving but never forgets * Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things * Guides others physically and mentally * Sensitive and forms impressions carefully * Caring and loving * Treats others equally * Strong sense of sympathy * Wary and sharp * Judge people through observations * Hardworking * No difficulties

*AUGUST*
* Loves to joke * Attractive * Suave and caring * Brave and fearless * Firm and has leadership qualities * Knows how to console others * Too generous and egoistic * Takes high pride of oneself * Thirsty for praises * Extraordinary spirit * Easily angered * Angry when provoked * Easily jealous * Observant * Careful and cautious * Thinks quickly * Independent thoughts * Loves to lead and to be led * Loves to dream * Talented in the arts, music and defense * Sensitive but not petty * Poo! r resistance against illnesses * Learns to relax * Hasty and rushy * Romantic * Loving and caring * Loves to make friends

*SEPTEMBER*
* Suave and compromising * Careful, cautious and organized * Likes to point out people's mistakes * Likes to criticize * Quiet but able to talk well * Calm and cool * Kind and sympathetic * Concerned and detailed * Trustworthy, loyal and honest * Does work well * Sensitive * Thinking * Good memory * Clever and knowledgeable * Loves to look for information * Must control oneself when criticizing * Able to motivate oneself * Understanding * Secretive * Loves sports, leisure and traveling * Hardly shows emotions * Tends to bottle up feelings * Choosy especially in relationships * Loves wide things * Systematic

*OCTOBER*
* Loves to chat * Loves those who loves him * Loves to takes things at the centre * Attractive and suave * Inner and physical beauty * Does not lie or pretend * Sympathetic * Treats friends importantly * Always making friends * Easily hur! t but recovers easily * Bad tempered * Selfish * Seldom helps unless asked * Daydreamer * Very opinionated * Does not care of what others think * Emotional * Decisive * Strong clairvoyance * Loves to travel, the arts and literature * Soft-spoken, loving and caring * Romantic * Touchy and easily jealous * Concerned * Loves outdoors * Just and fair * Spendthrift and easily influenced * Easily lose confidence

*NOVEMBER*
* Has a lot of ideas * Difficult to fathom * Thinks forward * Unique and brilliant * Extraordinary ideas * Sharp thinking * Fine and strong clairvoyance * Can become good doctors * Careful and cautious * Dynamic in personality * Secretive * Inquisitive * Knows how to dig secrets * Always thinking * Less talkative but amiable * Brave and generous * Patient * Stubborn and hard-hearted * If there is a will, there is a way * Determined * Never give up * Hardly become angry unless provoked * Loves to be alone * Thinks differently from others * Sharp-minded * Motivates oneself * Does not appreciates praises * High-spirited * Well-built and tough * Deep love

*DECEMBER*
* Loyal and generous * Patriotic * Active in games and interactions * Impatient and hasty * Ambitious * Influential in organizations * Fun to be with * Loves to socialize * Loves praises * Loves attention * Loves to be loved * Honest and trustworthy * Not pretending * Short tempered * Changing personality * Not egoistic * Takes high pride in oneself * Hates restrictions * Loves to joke * Good sense of humor * Logical

Made me laugh!

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab and notices the

VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks why he is staring.

He replies, "I have a question to ask but don't want to offend you."

She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me.

When you're as old as I and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "

Let's see what we can do about that.

First, though, you have to be single, and, second, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver excitedly says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic! "

"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that made him blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "Why are you crying?"

"Forgive me, sister, I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."

PUNCTUATION

An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing"

On the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the MALES in the class wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

While All the FEMALES in the class wrote:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

See how Punctuation is powerful!!

Do you speak English ?

TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde, your>>composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's.
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog !__________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

Lebanese!!!!!!!!!

A jet-set Lebanese gentleman parked his brand-new BMW in front of his office,ready to show it off to his colleagues.

As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.

The Lebanese immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed the police, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the Lebanese started screaming hysterically as some of his office colleagues reached the scene too.

His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the Lebanese finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the policeman shook his head in disgust and disbelief..."I can't believe how materialistic you Lebanese are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else.""How can you say such a thing?" asked the Lebanese.

The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing fromthe elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.""Oh My God!" screamed the Lebanese. "Where's my ROLEX?"

Lebanese Politics

Conversation between Walid Jounblat& his son

Walid : I want you to marry a girl of my choice

Son : "I will choose my own bride!"

Walid :"But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."

Son : "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Walid approaches Bill Gates.

Walid : "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Walid : "But this young man is a vice-president of the WorldBank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Walid goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Walid : "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need

Walid : "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

This is how business is done in Lebanon !!

hello...good luck

try it , it works !!

How Smart Is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you
will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you
can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!!

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the
floor and make clockwise circles with it.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air
with your right hand. Your foot will change direction!!!

I told you so... And there is nothing you can do about it.

Keep Trying!

Why 11? just do it its great

New York City has 11 letters.
2) Afghanistan has 11 letters...
3) Ramsin Yuseb (The terrorist who threatened to destroy the Twin Towers in 1993 has 11 letters...
4) George W Bush has 11 letters...

This could be a mere coincidence, but this gets more interesting:
1) New York is the 11th state.
2) The first plane crashing against the Twin Towers was flight number 11.
3) Flight 11 was carrying 92 passengers. 9 + 2 = 11
4) Flight 77 which also hit Twin Towers, was carrying 65 passengers. 6+5 =11
5) The tragedy was on September 11, or 9/11 as it is now known. 9 + 1+ 1 =11
6) The date is equal to the US emergency services telephone number
911. 9 + 1 + 1 = 11.

Sheer coincidence..?! Read on and make up your own mind:
1) The total number of victims inside all the hi-jacked planes
was 254. 2 + 5 + 4 = 11.
2) September 11 is day number 254 of the calendar year. Again 2 + 5 + 4= 11.
3) The Madrid bombing took place on 3/11/2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 4 = 11.
4) The tragedy of Madrid happened 911 days after the Twin Towers incident.

Now this is where things get totally eerie:
The most recognised symbol for the US, after the Stars & Stripes, is the Eagle.
The following verse is taken from the Quran, the Islamic holy book:

"For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle.The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced: for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah and there was peace."
That verse is number 9.11 of the Quran.

Still unconvinced about all of this..?!
Try this and see how you feel afterwards, it made my hair stand on end: Open Microsoft Word and do the following:
1. Type in capitals Q33 NY. This is the flight number of the first plane to hit one of the Twin Towers.
2. Highlight the Q33 NY.
3. Change the font size to 48
4. Change the actual font to the WINGDINGS

try iT U'LL SEE SOMETHIN U NEVER SAW B4 What do you think now?!!

which ese _which kee?

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA
when the American turned to the Japanese and asked,

"What kind of ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied,
"Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, What kind of -ese are you?"
Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yelled,
"What kind of -ese are you .
Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied,
"Oh, I am a Japanese."

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked:
What kind of 'kee' are you.
The American, frustrated, yelled,
"What do you mean what kind of '-.kee' am I?!"
The Japanese said,
"Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"

HOMSI in Beirut

A homsi visited Beirut and booked a room in the hotel.
The hotel employee carried the bags and asked to take him to the room.

Once the door is opened,
the homsi stopped, shook his head and said to the employee:

"Listen its true that I''''m a stranger to this country but
this doesn''''t mean that you fool me and laugh at me,
I''''ve paid over $100 for renting a nice room.
This room is too small, has no window, no bathroom
and it also contains no bed...!

The hotel employee politely said: "I''''m sorry sir.
This is not your room,
this is the elevator...
haahhahahahahha